Yiff Fantasy 3: The Squeakuel
by MemeLordKomaeda
Summary: The first of Alvin the Chipmunk's adventures! Will you be able to survive the strange, poorly written adventure? Regardless, I must let the yiffing begin!
1. Chapter 1: Chapter 1

Yiff** Fantasy 3: The Sqeakuel**

**Just as a disclaimer, you may skip to chapter 4 if you wish. Or even chapter 5 once it is up. That's where the story gets more linear. But I will worn you, a lot of original characters are added in Chapter 5, so it may make you think 'this isn't a fanfic!' I assure any of you that may be reading this that there will be non-original characters after that, but for the sake of narrative transition, I must postpone any and all newcomers.**

Alvin is sitting alone in his room yiffing to some INTENSE HENTAI. He is feeling quite lucky today. The little shit decides to celebrate. Before that, he grabs his lotion and tissues and pulls them close to his chest.

"Dan won't catch me this time!" Alvin blurted out really fucking loud. Dan crept up from the ceiling fan.

"The name's Dave. Dave Chipmunk." Dave/Dan says with great euphoria. His eyes twinkle with the blood of a pony. Alvin quickly takes the Important Cargo out of his computer and stuffs it into his furry pockets.

"Oh. Hi Dave." Alvin replies. His eyes go blood-shot. A bag of green crayon-like stuff falls out of his rectum. Dave licks his torso several times. His eyes grow ten sizes, making the pony blood leak out of his tear ducts. Alvin's eyes turn into a mellow pink color. Alvin tries to grab the bag in time to avoid fighting Dave, but he fails.

"Is that… weead!?" Dave asks with a large grin that reaches from one ear to the other. His interest in the drug makes Alvin feel uneasy. A shockwave of fear rolls up Alvin's spine. The very thought of losing his drugs nearly causes him to go into shock.

Dave reaches into his socks and pulls out a pair of green shoes. Any non-pothead would brush this off as weird, but a true drug user would see this as a declaration of war between two addicts. These shoes are Dave's 420 shoes!

"Les balze it!1" The insane man lunges toward the poor chipmunk. Alvin screams, kicking the fucker back a few feet.

"No! It's NOOOt we33d!" Dave disregards the claim and reaches into his shirt. He reveals a knife that wields yiffing properties that are matched by no other weapon. He licks the knife, which cuts his tongue. Dave crouches into a fetal position and holds it for several seconds. He then breaks the cradle to reveal a smile that stretches off of his face. Alvin stares in horror as he watches ears grow out of Dave's skull. These aren't human ears though, so don't be a smart ass. The ears are of a fox or a dog or some stereotypically furry animal. A tail launches out of a spot just a few inches above his buttock cleavage. A large amount of hair grows on every patch of visible skin and assumingly on other regions that are unknown to any human soul. We all awe at the completion of Dave's transfurrmation, which you think was unnecessary but was actually really fucking important for the advancement of this fascinating tale of love, romance, and lust. I realize that all three of those things in essence are the same and scratch that. This fascination tale of… Okay, I've got love. But I need two more words. I'll ignore that for now. Anyways, Dave has become a full-blown furry.

"Time 3 yiff, Alvin!" Dave howls in his now nearly undecipherable wolf/fox vocals. Any simple human would never dream of being able to understand this noise's true meaning; however, our main protagonist isn't a 'simple human' which strangely allows him and us to understand these strange noises that animals make. It's actually pretty strange in your opinion. How come all animal except for humans can apparently understand each other. You notice that Dave was able to understand Alvin before his, um, change. That's it! People can only understand the noises when they are in a story! It's been so fucking obvious, you think. You feel slightly smarter now!

Before Dave can utter any more shit from his furry mouth about yiffing, Le Trollface Meme rolls through the floorboards and grabs the man by his testicles. The wild animal-human hybrid screams in pain as the grip of the meme grows tighter on Dave's sack of manhood. Le Trollface laughs his second to last laugh. While laughing, he turns to Alvin.

"Trololololololl! Alvin, comes with me! It's time to escapes dis place!" Alvin Give A Slight Nod Of Understanding. He capitalized each word to reassure Le Trollface. Suddenly, blood begins dripping from Le Trollface's fapping hand. Dave has stabbed thee poor meme with a yiff-draining knife. Le Trollface sees that he won't get out of this hotel alive and blows Alvin a kiss that gets Dave really fucking angry. "Leave without me! Derp and Derpina are waiting in the lobby. I'll catch you another time, bro." Alvin makes his way to the elevator. Le Trollface turns to Dave, still holding his deadly grip. He licks his poorly drawn lips and starts to laugh the laugh of his father and his grandfather and even his great great great grandfather. It is the final laugh. "Me gusta!" Le Trollface grins as he lets go of the testicles in exchange for the furry's tail. He takes the tail and shoves it right up the deepest pits of his poorly drawn rectum. Dave lets out a shriek that Alvin was able to hear at birth. He never knew what that sound was before. Not even now.

Alvin makes it to the lobby. He instantly notices that there is a fucking car in the room; instead, he is looking at a sexy meme MoBilE. The shittiest of its kind if I might add. He looks around the car and sees that all of its tires are different brands, sizes, and vehicle types. To add on to that, the window wipers that are supposed to go on the front are attaches to these wheels. The engine is on the roof, the seats are attached to the ceiling of its interior, and the wheel is in the back seat opposite of the road while the ignition is attached to the passenger seat upfront. A real beauty, in your opinion.

"Get in the fucking car, Alvin! Dave could be on his way right now! Come ON!" Derp says. Da/ve isn't going to be joining these fucks any time soon though. He's a bit busy at the moment. Ignoring that fact, Alvin just hops into the driver's seat of the meme MoBilE. His escape is a success. "That was rough, yeah?" Everyone ignores his meme bullshit. He sighs with digression as the waves of sapling tree oak liquids illuminates the light of his eyes causing milk shaped tears to seep from his tear ducts and into his now cold coffee.

Derpina is sitting shotgun. Alvin sees that she is texting someone on her phone. Being a chipmunk, he becomes overcome with curiosity and zooms his chipmunk vision on the phone screen. She is talking to another meme! He can't tell what the name of the meme is though. This strikes Alvin. Literally. Fucking lightning comes out of her phone and electrocutes him. The zap hits him in the left arm and sends shockwaves throughout his entire body. He feels a slight rush of euphoria ogrecome his soul. Alvin senses are increased in performance by 200%. He can now make out the name of the recipient! It's… What the fuck?

"When did that…" Alvin accidentally spoke to all of the thought words in which he had, but meant to conceal this sentence to his mind. You look at me in a confused way and get ignored. Derpina copies you and looks at Alvin with a confused look on her face. She looks at you and gets even more confused. We are all confused. End of story. As in the part of speech, not seriously end of story.

"Alvin, are you okay?" Derpina asks in a very shell-like voice. He is in the process of gagging when she asks this. Alvin gives her a thumb up. He reaches for the vacuum inside the car to get rid of the smell of the vomit. To his luck, there are actually 6 vacuums in this car. He takes a few minutes to decide on which one to pick, despite the fact that they are all the same exact vacuum just multiple of that single kind. While he wastes time on this, he thinks about how he can't believe she would cheat on Derp, whatever the circumstances. And it being with THIS fuck just makes it worse.

"But that doesn't make sense. It just said that she was talking with another meme! Does that really qualify as cheating?" You are so stupid, I think. You see, when it comes to meme relationships, you become a full out-and please excuse my word choice here- dummy. You see with memes if you talk to another meme without fapping with them 739,203 times before the summer equinox, it's considered cheating. If you meet on the summer equinox-like how Derp and Derpina definitely did- you may, as a meme, skip all of that fapping. She's never fapped with any meme besides Derp, so she is cheating on his. She hasn't even FAPPED with that meme to meet him. All she did was just start talking to him. If that doesn't justify Alvin and my decision that she cheated, then color me fucking stupid. Now that I'm done with that rant, I guess I'll go on and tell you who she's been talking to.

"I can't leave Simon's body!" Pingu stands over Simon's wrecked corpse, tears rolling down his face. Goku wipes one of the tears on his elbow and licks it. Simon had been shot with a butter gun. Not nut butter, but normal butter. It hit him right in the small intestine, causing his heart to beat at 100 stretches per second. This made his heart become its own separate, sentient being, allowing it to escape. Within 12 seconds, he was dead.

"It's fine, Pingu. I'll bring the body with me to Namek." Pingu shakes her head. It has no way of knowing when Goku will return. If Goku is gone for too long, the chipmunk family will not be able to have a proper funeral. Pingu realizes what he has to do.

"I'll eat his body. It's the only way." Pingu rubs her eyes with its elbow and licked the tears, mimicking his dearly beloved. The two lovers look into one another's eyes. Goku moves in closer. He gently kisses Pingu on the lips. They hold it for a few seconds and break the kiss.

"You're so caring. I really am a lucky man. Thank you, Pingu-senpai."

"So…" Pingu opens his mouth and devours Simon's entire body. He licks his lips. "It tastes like… Nut butter. Wasn't that butter gun normal butter?" Goku blushes.

"Oh. Sorry." Before you can ask what the fuck that implies if you haven't guessed already, 'nut butter' is another way of saying semen. Or more specifically, euphoria gel. Pingu licks his lips more suggestively, looking Goku right in the eyes. Goku's blush pinkens.

"Okay. I must leave now. Good bye, for now." They both say that in unison, displaying their connection to all readers alike. We all smile at the greatest ship as part of it takes off to Namek while the other digests a chipmunk.

Alvin is driving the car now. It's been three days since his escape. The three have been taking shifts, but that hasn't been working out. Alvin has been driving since they stopped at a gas station a few minutes after they left they hotel. He was fine with that though. He has plans to fulfill. Alvin curiously looks toward the back/front of the shitty meme car. Derp and Derpina are preoccupied with Le Fap meme.

"It's time!" He reaches for the Important Cargo and plugs it into his iPhuck. We take a moment to laugh at my creative joke, which you found extra hilarious. Alvin begins to vigorously jerk off, causing him to somehow unlock the door of the car as well as his seatbelt. He is hurled out of the meme MoBilE and hits a car conveniently made of pillows. The meme car twists into control and stops existing on impact with reality. All lives are lost. Not as in dead. Well, sure they did die, but they more so stopped existing as alive memes. Actually, I guess they are still alive. You know what they say, right? Heroes never die. And what are memes? My point is made.

Alvin is crying. It's more than just normal chipmunk tears. These are chipmunk tears of laughter. Instead of being released as actual laughs, chipmunks let out tears that compensate for laughter. This usually occurs when a chipmunk experiences an extreme amount of euphoria at once. Just ask anyone with any knowledge about animals and they will be able to confirm this.

Alvin puts his furry penis away and wipes his laugh tears on his left forearm. I walk up from the settling dust of the commotion caused by the nonexistence of that shitty meme car. I put my hand on his shoulder. He looks up to me.

"That was pretty fucking great. I'm sorry. I hope I can help you through this." Alvin does not understand this because who the fuck needs consoling after a good laugh? I grin while slowly reaching into my pocket to pull out an anti-chipmunk stick. I begin to whack the little fuck with it as hard as I can. His life energy is drained and euphoria level becomes reduced to _absolute zero_. Alvin is dead. I laugh out loud and lifdoff on my UNREAL AIR.

Brittany finds Theodore's body and eats it. Yes, she eats it. We skip over the rest of her bullshit adventure to get to the part where she finds Alvin dead. She comes to the realization that she has to kiss him to revive him. She proceeds in doing so, causing Alvin to wake up on Prospit. He recognizes this from the worlds shittiest, shortest, dumbest, most stupid webcomic in the world.

"Homosuck? I thought that was just a really shitty, short, dumb, stupid webcomic." Alvin can't believe this shit. Becoming oblivious to that, he looks over from his tower to see two twin towers that are strangely connected together and really poorly drawn. He floats on over there to see Derp and Derpina fapping in their tower. Alvin looks to see that he has a fist in his strife deck. That, porn, and multiple forms of hentai. He chooses fistkind and begins to fist the two memes. Their bodies turn into cosmic ash and become euphoria points. Alvin now has enough for his honorary fedora. He is a new man.

A third tower starts falling down and crashes into the meme tower. Theodore bust through one of the walls. Alvin gives him a nod of approval. Alvin and Theodore take a few minutes to just kind of stare into space. They notice that time is money.

"Let's get the fuck out of here and beat this fucking game!" The two true brothers go on to beat the game. In record timing too! It only took these two fucks a few seconds. Do you know why? Of course not. That's because it's impossible. These two fucks DID THE IMPOSSIBLE. But that was enough of that shit. "We… Won." Alvin says. Yep. That's that. They feel like they rushed things. They did. Before Alvin can whine about more shit, Theodore pulled off his face to reveal his true identity, Raven from Teen Titans!

"Sorry, Alvin. I can't forgive you for what you did so long ago. I'm gonna send u back in time." Raven from Teen Titans says. Alvin looks Raven from Teen Titans in the eyes and sighs.

"Okay. Fine. Be that way. It wasn't even my fault. You know this, Raven from Teen Titans." Alvin says with a cold stare. Raven from Teen Titans begins to chant. A blue circle glows around Alvin. He tries to run out of it, but there are apparently invisible walls blocking the way. Raven from Teen Titans finishes her chant and reaches her fingers to the ground to finalize it. Alvin waves goodbye to his one love. He has been betrayed. As his body fades along with the blue ring encompassing him, Raven from Teen Titans begins to lip something. Alvin tries to make out what she was asking…

Alvin was in his room watching the cold yuri(s). Damn. He remembers that he was sent back in time but not what she was asking. He ignores it, hoping it didn't matter. His heart still aches. Alvin sees no point in moping around and decides to walk into the hallway. Across from his room is Theodore's. He knocks on the door. The doorknob turns and swings open. Theo is standing at the door, eyes blazing. Alvin reaches out for a handshake, but Theo is busy lighting another blunt.

"Yo brother. What is all of the business that is yours?" Theodore is stoned.

"I am doing, um, fine. Theo, are you okay?"

"This nigga is fuckin' in the great shit on the scale of his mood, bitch!" Theo takes a moment to soak in his glee. "So what is the reason behind a nigga visiting a room of this brother?" Alvin takes a moment of his own to soak in his confusion.

"Uh… I guess I need help." Alvin wait for Theodore to reply. Instead, his brother just leans against the door frame and makes a hand gesture insisting further explanation. Alvin goes on. "I need to remember. I can't remember." Theo slaps his brother in the face. Alvin falls to the ground.

"Not understanding that shit is what is going through my head right now." He reaches down and pulls Alvin up against the wall by the front of his jacket. "Elaborate you shit."

"Fine! I need help remembering my past. I strangely can't remember anything before this morning. Well, I can remember shit that happened on another timeline but before that I just can't. I _want to _remember, but I _can't_!" Alvin breaks down in tears. Theo lets go of his grip, allowing Alvin to fall to his knees.

"All right. I see what is meant by the words you speak." Alvin wipes his face and gets to his feet. "A rumor that exists is saying something of the being of serious love wizardry. But the saying of that something points to the truth that it will not be a thing that is something until a something or another at the Shrekoning that is a final one." Alvin stares blankly for several minutes trying to decipher that sentence. Once he takes out the redundant use of something, he pieces together that he must visit the Serious Love Wizard after the Final Shrekoning. Alvin hugs his brother but quickly gets pushed away. "You gonna pay up a price for the given information that I have provided with to you?" Before Alvin thinks to make a break for it, he remembers that he had we- green crayon-like stuff. Alvin thinks to check his pockets before his rectum to ensure that he doesn't get his hands dirty for no fucking reason. He lucks out with the left pocket.

"Here you go, brother." Theo doesn't even hesitate in grabbing the drug. He then proceeds to locking himself away for the remainder of the story. Probably. Alvin thinks it's about time to take a nice, long break. He goes back to his room to watch the cold yuri(s).


	2. Bio 1

**This is a short bio of the characters mentioned so far. I'll probably do this every couple of chapters. This one's going to be pretty short, but in the future there will be updated bios for the following characters! (Warning! This may kind of spoil the first chapter if you read this beforehand!)**

**Alvin Chipmunk:** An exciting chipmunk with a lot of attitude. He lives in a hotel with his two brothers, Theodore and Simon, as well as his adopted father Dave Chipmunk. He is about a foot or two tall, but I portray him as the height of a seven year-old child. Alvin is probably around 17 years old right now. The kid obviously has a strange drug addiction that he's working towards perfection. He also kind of has a thing for Raven from Teen Titans, although that has not been elaborated on yet. He is our protagonist. For now.

**Dave Chipmunk:** Also known as Da/ve at some point, he is Alvin and the Chipmunk's caretaker. He has been with these kids since probably a week after their birth. It seems like he's grown mostly fond to his son Alvin. He might have a weird furry crush. That actually brings me to the next point: He is now a full-blown furry. After going through transfurrmation, he was doomed to a battle to the yiff with Le Trollface. That is the last time he was seen.

**Simon Chipmunk:** He doesn't exist anymore.

**Theodore Chipmunk:** A twenty six year-old drug addict thug that knows a little bit too little about grammar as well as proper communication skills. He's definitely been reading too many Homestuck fan fictions that revolve around Gamzee. Maybe he's seen the mirthful messiahs and decided that speaking oddly would make him more thug? No one is really sure. Nonetheless, Theo is very tough and has a small knowledge of things to come. We can just guess that he was foretold these events from a weed dragon.

**Raven from Teen Titans:** For the sake of getting this done nice and easy, I won't repeat her name continuously. We don't know a lot about her at the moment, besides her and Alvin's possible romance prior to these events. Raven has some wicked powers that apparently let her send people back in time. It's like she's not the same character from the show! Regardless, something has changed between her and the main protagonist. But what?

**The memes:** Really shitty works of perfected humor. There are currently three memes in here; Le Trollface, Derp, and Derpina. All equally shitty. All equally irrelevant.

**That's all for this bio. Next one in two chapters! Hopefully…**


	3. Chapter 2: Train Fun

**Chapter 2: Temporal Shenanigans**

Seventeen days after Alvin switched over timelines, he is sitting in the kitchen. Alvin is planning to make a cake for the wedding of Obama-sama and Sonic the Hedgehog coming up tomorrow. He can't find some of the supplies.

"Shit. I cannot find that damn milk. Or the eggs. And… Where the hell is that cake mix!?" He assumes that it was just a slip of his own mind. Alvin probably never actually bought any of the ingredients. But… He digs his hands into his furry chipmunk pants pockets to pull out a receipt from that previous week. It has a gallon of milk, eggs, and cake mix. He bought the ingredients, but they are all gone. "Oh wait… Duh! I'm in an alternate universe where there is no wedding! That makes a lot more sense!" Dave swings open one of the cabinet doors and crab walks out.

"That is where you are wrong you fucker! Haha! You see, this isn't an off-shot universe, but instead the exact opposite! This is just a slightly altered timeline! The only difference is your journeys to the Final Shrekoning."

"How does that make this opposite? I understand it being different and all, but this isn't opposite of an alternate universe. In a sense, it still is." Alvin sasses Dave to the point of arousal.

"I really like it when you're right." He steps closer. "Let's frick." Alvin kicks him away.

"We can't you fucker! We aren't shipped. It's forbidden by ALL shipping charts! Just give up already!" Dave become overwhelmed by euphoric depression. He is abstracted from reality. He and Simon no longer exist.

Twenty-six hours pass. Alvin has passed the job of cake baking to Theodore. He trusts a lot of weed will be within the baked good. In the meantime, the young chipmunk is waiting for the lifdoff to begin just outside of his hotel. Theodore enters from the outside ceiling fan.

"Man, my oh my." He is drugged with external weed injections from 1943. His amount of drug use changes reality, making a clone of Raven from Teen Titans at the moment she was teleporting Theodore take his place. She is chanting that same chant and touches the ground. Alvin is sent back in time several thousand years. He is feeling anti-euphoric. His mind is set on one thing now: getting the fuck back to the future/present. And to do that, he must kill his one true love.

"I have to kill raven." He is pulling all of the stops. He even addressed her by only her first name! "Thor! Help me!" Thor's hammer descends from the heavens. Thor falls in shortly after in a speedo.

"You called? Are you going to pay upfront or shall I put it on your tab?" Alvin stares blankly at this fucker. Is he fucking mad?

"What? Are you fucking mad!?"

"It's not a charity. I'm not going to do as you say for free, even as just a friend." Thor kneels down. "So this'll go on your tab, right?" Alvin backs away.

"What the hell, Thor?" Alvin slaps him. "I just need some people to help me fight Raven." Thor scratches his head.

"Who?" Alvin refers to le fave faceplam meme.

"Raven from Teen Titans." Thor is very surprised.

"Haha! You fighting Raven from Teen Titans!? WHAT!? You are a funny little chipmunk, you know that?" Alvin scolds Thor for being such a dick and forces the fuck to never be one ever again. "Fine. FINE. I'll help you fight her. Just yell out my name. I've really gotta get back to my planet now though. I've got some, um, work to take care of." The god departs.

Alvin decides it would be much wiser to just go on the internet and find some allies there. "Simon doesn't exist; Theo is dead; Brittany is dead; Dave is dead." He goes on to claim that all of his friends are dead.

"Idiot, they aren't dead! They just haven't been born yet!" Simon says. He utters some more fake shit to go along with that other crap.

"You are fake. You don't exist." Alvin replies. He is steaming with anger. He becomes one percent train. Simon takes one of his hands and hits himself in the face.

"Then how are you talking to me!? That would obviously require me to exist!" Alvin mocks Simon's stupid self-harm maneuver.

"No, you don't exist. You reasoning makes absolutely no sense." Before Simon can say more fake shit, he ceases to exist. Alvin goes back to his computer screen. A thought comes to his mind. Alvin should have that of this earlier! He begins chanting the ancient meme dialect from 2009. "Trololololl. Trololololl. TROLOLOLOLL!" Several memes crawl up from under the surface of the Earth's crust. The strength and power of these gracious memes cause cracks that alter reality, making memes legends. These memes consist of Le Derp Ultimate, Le Trollface Ultimate, Le Willy Wonka Ultimate, and Le FUUUU Ultlimate.

"You need us? For what?" Le Derp asks. Alvin looks at them with such great awe.

"w3 w0n't h3lp th3 lik3s 0f y0u, 3h3h3!" Le Trollface trolls. A rat peers from the inside of Le Trollface's outermost layer of skin. It is planning. Alvin uses his archaic translator graphic calculator to add the percent of which the time is on its life left. None. He instantly kills it. Le Trollface feels the pain of the poor chipmunk as well as the struggle. "I will h3lp y0u." The other memes decide to help out as well. They wank in honor of Alvin's heroic feat and set off you their super long, seven thousand year journey back to the present HQ of Raven.

The allied group watches Raven from behind a corner as she sends Alvin back into the past. As soon as past Alvin disappears, they hop out from their hiding place. The memes are all shot with a beam of very weak magic. They all die. Raven leaves Alvin alive.

"Haha. I killed your memes." Raven says. "And now time for the greatest plot-twist of all!" She rips off her head to reveal that she is actually Simon from Gurren Lagann!

"Holy shit." We all say. It was too surprising to be true, but it is! He then rips off his head again to reveal that he is actually not actually Simon but in all actuality he is actually Raven Simone. Everyone is shocked at this plot-twist.

"Okay now. Let us fight!" They fight. I'd go through the specifics of their epic battle, but due to lack of effort as well as time restraints, I will just say that through sheer chipmunk luck our protagonist won. Raven begins to glow. "How is this possible!? I am an all-powerful sorceress!" She turns into a vibrant gold. "NOOOOOOO!" Raven's body bursts into coins. It's about a dollar and fifty cents. Just shy of being enough for a bus fare. Alvin sighs and walks out of the HQ.

"Welp, time for porn." He opens up his laptop and googles the cold yuris. This is it! It's been far too long for this chipmunk! But… OH NO! He can't access the internet because of his insufficient euphoria levels! Alvin is doomed to a life without hentai. The worst case scenario has shown itself. So what is a hentai-less man to do? It's time… For him to quit his job as an entertainer. It's the only way. He must go to Fucking Chipmunks Inc. and resign. He's basically on a suicide mission. Will he make it? Will his euphoria be replenished? Is it really worth it? Will he win? Is this the end? Does Simon really not exist? Is it time for this chapter to finally end? Find out in the next chapter! Good bye!

Before we could end the chapter, Alvin's cell phone rings. It's his boss.

"Hello?" Alvin asks. His boss is breathing heavily. Sweat is seeping through the phone into Alvin's ear and down his furry face. A chill rolls up Alvin's spine. The cold breath of this boss causes Alvin's heart rate to slow down.

"Hi, Alvin. I just called to check up on you. Is everything fine?" Alvin gulps. He tries to conceal the noise using his chipmunk skills but fails miserably.

"Yes ma'am. I am fine, ma'am. Do you need anything, ma'am?" Alvin's sweat can easily be heard from over the phone. The boss's heavy breathing stops. It is now a calm breeze. Alvin's muscles relax from the built up tension. They nice and soothe. His euphoria level is filled to the brim of the bucket in which it is held. The boss speaks in a kind, soft voice.

"Nothing you can't handle. Especially now that I've calmed you down. I had the slightest feeling you were going to do something as hasty as to quit your job as an entertainer. That would be stupid though, right?" Alvin's body tenses up again. He feels his muscles grinding against one another as he continues to chat on the phone. He arms grow weary from what feels like a dragged on conversation. It's only been ten seconds since she said that but it feels like so much longer. Like fifteen seconds. He opens his mouth to speak, just to be interrupted. "Shush. I already know you planned to give me a visit to quit. It is fine, I'll let you go. You've been far overdue for a break." Alvin should be as slippery as a slug, but he feels like there isn't something right.

"What do you mean? This has to be some bullshit test on me. I will not quit." He pauses to take things into consideration. "Unless this is some kind of fucking reverse-psychology shit. But then if I do decide to quit, you'll fucking kill me. I'll stay." Alvin smile like an idiot. He figured out the ultimate puzzle.

"Why do you always over think things? Nevertheless, I'm glad that you have chosen to stay with this company. I am however changing your profession. You'll no longer be some singing chipmunk star. Instead, I'll make you my executive assistant." The former chipmunk star hops around with euphoria leaking out of his bucket. He is such a happy fuck.

"Thank you! This is great! So what's my first order?" His boss laughs through the phone. Alvin begins to sweat again. His boss's laugh bursts the speakers of his phone. Despite this, he can still hear her laugh.

"You first order is to wake up!" Alvin wakes up. He is in a train car room. On the window is a little recorder. Alvin hits play.

"Sorry for the dream. I had to make a distraction to get you on the right track! Get it!? Track! Because you're on a train!" Alvin doesn't laugh. "Anyways, this will be the first of few places you'll have to go before the Final Shrekoning. Just do what you'd normally do and you'll make it to Obama and Sonic's wedding. I'll see you there! Bye!" The tape shuts off. Alvin goes back to sleep.

**Sorry that this chapter was a little bit shorter. I went according to the draft for most of it. The only main difference is the last part honestly. Anyhow, chapter three will be up by whenever and another bio will be up shortly after. Also, I'll tell you now that there will be a lot more characters in the coming chapters! Please check it out then and have a great week! See ya! Literally! (Just as a P.S., if you want any characters added to this random series, please send in PMs. I'll look up as much information as possible to make requested characters as accurate as I can. Thank you again!)  
**


	4. Chapter 3: Eagle Tangle Sheet Truck

**Yiff Fantasy 3: The Squeakuel**

**Chapter 3: Eagle Tangle Sheet Truck**

Alvin wakes up on the train. He has the tape recorder in his right hand, and his foot in the other. He can't remember what he was doing before. He assumes it has to do with this recorder. He plays it again. Alvin's hairs poke up at the sound of his boss's voice. The hairs go back down as his body calms itself. All he knows for sure is that it is less than a week from Sonic and Obama-sama's wedding as well as the Final Shrekoning. He sees that there is a ticket in his pocket.

"So the law is after me." Alvin's chipmunk common sense doesn't know of the existence of train tickets, so that would become his most logical assumption. Before we can take note of this, there is a knock on the train room door. The blind is closed, so the only visible figure is silhouetted. Alvin's adrenaline is rushing, causing him to use his chipmunk powers to transform his hand into a gun and shoot the fuck out of the door. There is a slight scream with several other short gasps that follow. They fill the entire train car with fear. I mean the actual train is sweating from fear of the shots as well as it being shot in the door. Alvin rubs the door gently and apologizes. Then, he kicks down the fucking door to find motherfucking Dave lying on the ground dead. Looks like Alvin accidentally killed him.

Before Alvin could get emotional over the death of his friend, he is shoved back into the train car room by his lover Brittany. She backs him up against the window and clutches his testicles. He chipmunk groans. She starts to breath heavily down his fury neck. The air from her breathing causes Alvin's hairs to stand straight. He enters stage one out of one of getting a chipmunk erection: arousal. Brittany rubs the inside of Alvin's pelvis, causing Alvin to squeal in excitement.

"Let's yiff." Brittany says softly in Alvin's ear. They begin the mating ritual by making out and putting one another's tongues in each other's mouths. Next, Alvin and Brittany combine for a total of seventeen seconds, and they separate. Brittany's body splits half way and combusts. Alvin's division is a success. There are now two Alvins. For any readers not familiar with chipmunk reproduction, this is chipmunk reproduction. Once they finish the first step of mating-the erection- as well as step two-the making out with tongues, they begin to go through mass mitosis and split into twos. It is common for female chipmunks to explode during this process because of increased euphoria levels as well as lack of euphoria for too long. A female chipmunk has a one in ten chance of surviving this. It turns out Brittany was the other ninety percent. Alvin 1 pulls her remains close to his body.

We go to Pingu in hopes of escaping this weep-fest. We aren't so lucky. It also turns out Pingu is dead. He/she probably died in the events of some fanfiction some author hasn't posted yet. Who knows? We twist our chairs around to ask the two Alvins.

"Fuck. There are two of me!" Alvin 1 says. "No." He is filled with a lot of denial. Alvin 2 pulls out a knife and stabs Alvin 1 while Alvin 1 is going through the first stage of depression.

"There can only be one!" Alvin 1 falls to the ground dead. Alvin 2 is the victor! "Good thing I am actually Alvin 1 but pretended to be Alvin 2!" Alvin says to you. You can't believe this shit. It's wack, right. That is what you believe. You scratch your head.

"What was the point? You both knew who was who. The only ones being tricked was us readers." You make up a dumb lie. For making up such a lie, Alvin gives you _the finger_. You stop existing. We carry on with Alvin. He is sweeping up the remains of Brittany. The youth takes those remains and dumps them out the window of the train, demonstrating great public safety skills. He takes a pair of scissors that were conveniently in his pocket and he carves a heart into the train window. Within that neatly crafted design he puts the letters 'B' and 'A' with a little plus symbol in between. All of you reader shed a single tear at this emotional scene as I slowly move the story along.

Goku enters the hospital. His throat and ability to gulp have been revoked from him. His encounter with Shrek Hitler in some mysterious other fanfiction was-as the kool kids say it- 2 legit 4 him. Despite this handicap, Goku is still able to speak.

"Doctor." Dr. Pablo rushes to the famous anime character and shakes his hand. There is a sticky substance on the doctor's hand. Dr. Pablo laughs out loud.

"Oh! Haha. You caught me right after I finished churning the butter." Dr. Pablo gives Goku two winks and the same amount of nudges. Goku gives a look of disgust and wipes his hand on his shirt. Dr. Pablo feels down after being rejected by this saiyan. He cries a little. He wipes his face and puts on his fancy doctor hat. "Do you need something? I'm a bit busy with something I find much more important." Goku sees the doctor stuff a hentai manga into his lab coat. He nods ever so slightly. Not slight enough of course. Dr. Pablo takes this as attempt of assault and sends the fucker off to the clinic. His colleagues grow massive erection as applaud his work. Pablo stands for several minutes in unison to the standing of another doctor in the building. His ethics are angry with this tone of step. It creates a wave of anti-euphoria. This stops the colleagues mid-clap. Dr. Pablo ignites.

Alvin sees a figure come up from one of the air vents. It's Shanice-sama. His heart-rate jumps up to 240 in a second. He sweats profusely from Shanice-sama's presence. Shanice-sama looks at him and scoffs.

"You sick pig. Sweating from the sight of the unsightly." Shanice-sama does a sassy hair flip and adds a subtle z-snap as a second serving of PUER PWNAGE. Subtle enough to go unnoticed, but not enough to be ignored. Alvin bows to the women. Queen Elizabeth comes from behind the wondrous Shanice-sama. Her euphoria level was already sensed by Alvin's chipmunk senses.

"I apologize. It's unlike my daily routine to fit two women into it. Or at least not two future world leaders. That's just too much. I'm going to have to make some room in my schedule now." Drops of sweat rhythmically drip onto the steel plated floor. Shanice-sama cringes at the unsightly sight. Elizabeth averts her royal eyes to the scenery outside. It's really foggy, so she just looks at a famous painting on the wall. Ironically enough, it is Caspar David Friedrich's _Wanderer above the Sea of Fog_. The queen sighs and settles for the fog outside. Alvin wipes his forehead, soaking his hand. "Do either of you have a towel? Maybe a handkerchief? " The two ladies both shake their hands in unison and exit the room. Alvin blows the two a kiss, but it dies before reaching its goal. He holds a miniature funeral for it. The moment is short lived because Alvin's chipmunk yiff detector goes off. He senses an increased euphoria level from Elizabeth and Shanice-sama. It has to be happening. He crawls up into a big ball and weeps tears of euphoria. His euphoria meter is leaking euphoria, so it must be excreted in a logical manner. Ergo, people and animals cry when they are feeling extremely happy. Of course, you disagree. I take into consideration that you don't have an opinion and make you stop existing again.

Dr. Pablo (AKA an ACTUAL DOCTOR that know FOR A FACT that tears from laughter come from excreted euphoria) is reading and watching the cold yuris. Goku begins to choke up uneaten sandwich meat.

"Doctor, my rectum is actually a bear." Goku's breathing increases substantially. Dr. Pablo throws his porn down in anger.

"Why didn't you mention this earlier!? That would have saved so much time!" The man removes Goku's finger nails and replaces them with glue. "I guess you could say they're as good as…" We all wait in suspense for the inevitable ending to that sentence. "_Glue_." Everyone on fucking Earth laughs at this well-crafted pun and forgets about the irrelevance of this to someone with a bear as a rectum. Goku reaches out to shake the doctor's hand.

"Thank you." Dr. Pablo has already left. The most likely case scenario is that he went off to prepare for Obama-sama and Sonic's wedding. He is marrying them after all. You know, since he's the priest. I hope you didn't forget. I mean shit, it was in the fucking letter. What? You didn't get that either? Fucking piss! Disregarding that fucking bullshit, Simon starts existing again. He stops existing again. I repeat those two sentences seventy more times each, ending with him not existing. You attempt to argue about me claiming he won't make another appearance and the pointlessness of me saying that I repeated it seventy four times, but you don't exist so you can't.

Alvin uncurls himself from his euphoria ball. It seems that his euphoria meter is back to normal. He stands up and looks at his surrounds. Yep, still in that same train car room. He pulls out his phone and calls his boss. She answers.

"So what am I supposed to do now. I know I'm supposed to fucking 'find my way' but that's fucking boring." Alvin rubs the back of his head. He feel dry blood.

"Just trust me. You'll find your way. Now sleep." Alvin is KO'd! We attempt to go to the day of Pingu's death, but fail. While doing that, I try to get into the business of future Pablo, but he is pleasuring himself. With all other routes closed, I decide to just get to the part where Alvin wakes up. Dave is standing over him. His latex eyes are red. Alvin screams like a fucking wimp.

"Holy mother fuck! I thought you died!" Dave pulls off his obviously fake mask to reveal his true identity: Michael! Alvin looks at his surroundings. Same room, but there is a speeding car next to the moving train as well as a gaping hole on the window Alvin wrote that 'B+A' thing. He is crying.

"Get in the car you Jewish penis." Alvin is at a crossroads. Will he go in the car with this asshole or is he going to just wait for some other shit to happen? Find out in the next chapter! (He gets into the car.)


	5. Bio 2 (Incomplete)

**Yiff Fantasy 3: Bio 2**

**Name: **Alvin Chipmunk

**Nickname: **N/A

**Age: **About 17 in human years.

**Gender: **Male

**Status: **Alive

**Occupation: **Former entertainer, executive assistant

**Race: **Chipmunk

**Family: **Dave, Simon, and Theodore

**Friends: **Pingu, Goku, his boss, the Meme Lord, Shanice-sama, Queen Elizabeth, Dr. Pablo, Brittany

**General Personality: **An adventurous and fun chipmunk. Very loud and curses frequently. Obedient.

**Fears: **Being alone in the dark, losing friends, loss of hemp, wasting of hemp, nonexistence of hemp, anything bad that could or couldn't happen to hemp, heights, Shrek Hitler.

**Habits: **Extreme euphoria, sweating near multiple women at once, thinking of porn.

**Negative traits: **Chipmunk

**Positive Traits: **N/A

**Backstory: **All that is known as of now is that he had some sort of thing with Raven from Teen Titans. The history behind he and his boss as well as many of the other characters is unknown. His history with Dave, Theodore, Brittany, and Simon is revealed within the movies that exist here in the real world.

**Name: **?

**Nickname: **Boss (By Alvin)

**Age: **16

**Gender: **Female

**Status:** Alive

**Occupation: **CEO of _Fucking Chipmunks Inc._

**Race: **Unknown

**Family: **Unknown

**Friends: **Possibly Alvin. That's all that is confirmed.

**General Personality: **Literally bossy, mischievous

**Fears: **Loss of Alvin as employee, mops

**Habits: **Unknown

**Negative traits: **Unknown

**Positive Traits: **Unknown

**Backstory: **Top secret.

**Name: **Shanice Kaname

**Nickname: **Shanice-sama

**Age: **16

**Gender: **Female

**Occupation: **Famous future world leader

**Race: **Mostly Asian

**Family: **Unknown. Likely an icecream sister of Elizabeth

**Friends: **Everyone that isn't a meme

**General Personality: **Asian

**Fears: **Memes

**Habits: **Hating memes, not being perverted

**Negative traits: **Asian, watches anime

**Positive Traits: **N/A

**Backstory: **Unknown

**I'll add more to this bio page as the week progresses. **


	6. Chapter 4: This Is The Where You Die

**Yiff Fantasy 3: The Squeakuel**

**Chapter 4: This is the part where you die.**

"This is the part where you die." Michael says with a clown-like grin on his face. Alvin puts on his I-don't-give-a-fuck hat. Michael gasps at the lack of fucks given to him. Alvin announces a statement on his impending death.

"I don't give a fuck." Michael applauds the chipmunk and grabs a hold of his furry arms. The young man hurls himself and the animal into the car next to the train. Alvin's euphoria bursts. It gets on Michael's stomach and soaks into his skin. His spleen absorbs the euphoria. It begins filtering his blood with euphoria, causing the cells to be extremely happy. They in turn create a happier, euphoric Michael. This distracts him from his driving. He crashes into an artistic rodent. Its life split in half. You start existing again to steal the other half of its life from existence. We look at you with disgust. "Why did you take his other half? He could have still lived." I get sick of you and make you stop existing again.

Michael's antics have gone on long enough. Alvin stabs the twit in the spleen. This twit is immune to being stabbed. Alvin forfeits his stabber to Michael. The stabber turns into a monkey in the past so that it can monkey-see-monkey-do and absorb into the spleen and become filtered throughout the blood of Michael's body. The hairs on Michael's body sharpen. He's gained half a level in experience as well as a porn-stache. Alvin can't fucking believe this shit. It's hard enough being a chipmunk. This shit just makes it worse. Michael laughs and pulls out a syringe that is filled with a weird blue and orange color. He stabs his spleen and turns into a Mudkip.

Before any shitty memes could be referenced, we visit a young lad named Brent. Fuck. He's dead. Well, technically he isn't. Brent eats a strawberry. And then two. He takes a legendary nap. Since this kid is sleeping, I'll finally allow you to see what I am doing. You, in a non-existent state, peer ogre my shoulder to see that I am making a meme featuring le Derp. I caress my chin and comment on the yifftastic properties the meme yields. Before I could finalize the wonderful work of artistic humor, Shanice-sama and her crew of fucking shits enters the meme room. For the sake of this being a fanfiction, there is smut of you and your favorite character from your favorite work on the walls. Each picture slightly more sexual than the other.

"Meme Lord, we need you to be at the conference." As much as Shanice-sama would love to not have this be a requirement, it was indeed the most required thing. You see, there is turbulence between Shanice-sama and I. Shanice-sama is kind of a noob, while I am not. Her jealousy surpasses all logistics. You agree with my factual side of this argument. I mean seriously, who would want to be ruled by an Asian!? You comment on how that's kind of racist, but it's inaudible since you kind of don't exist. Back to reality, I agree to participate in the Final Shrek Conference. It takes roughly seven minutes, but we did eventually make it to the conference room.

The Final Shrek Conference began with Pablo and Elizabeth addressing and arguing over the décor of Obama-sama and Sonic's wedding. "Being the priest, I feel it should be I who decides on the layout of it." Pablo said with a priest accent. A few heads rose at this. Shanice-sama was about to rebut, but Shanice-sama was interrupted by Elizabeth's rebut.

"I think I should decide since I'm the queen and all." The argument continued on for an ungodly hour before the rebutting finally ended with Shanice-sama's rebuttal. By now I was in a daze from being in the crossfire of the argument, so I can't remember the outcome, but I believe it had to do with Obama-sama and Sonic choosing their decorations. Completely and utterly fucking appalled by the thought of such bollox, we go on back to Milo and Alvin.

"Yes boss, he's got me. Now what?" Alvin asked his boss in an evidently irritated tone. His boss mocked him by mimicking his pouty voice.

"Good. His name is Milo, right? A Mudkip that has an addiction to memes?" Alvin took a moment to ask Michael his name, which was now Michael, as well as take note of the Mudkip saying several memes. He reports to his boss. "Okay. You need to head to the address I will be sending soon. It will take you to The Wedding. Make sure you get a nice suit, too. I'll be waiting." With that, she hangs up. Alvin's heart is flowing with euphoria. His body's become a race track with a whole bunch of Mach 5s riding along it. This will be the first time in his life meeting with his boss. We all rejoice! The rejoicing is postponed for a later date because we've gotta get this thing on the road! Alvin quickly checks his phone again and copies and pastes the address to his preferred mapping application.

"Milo, stop being useless and come along with me! We need to go to The Wedding, now!" Milo's head rises to this. He begins to walk towards Alvin, but he isn't used having four legs yet. This causes him to spiral out of control and send him to a later segment in this chapter. Alvin accepts his loss and goes off to some bus station to ride over to The Wedding.

We go back to the… I was going to say conference, but by the looks of it, everyone's gone. So… We visit Shanice-sama. Shanice-sama is hot on Cassie's trail. Why Cassie is being chased is unknown, but you can only assume the worst. She most likely stole a meme and posted it on another website. It's nice to know that isn't a common thing on the internet! If it were, where would society be today? Back on track, Shanice-sama carefully walks along Cassie's hot tracks. Steam is rising from it. How hot could it be, you ask? Probably 100 degrees. To make matters worse, I'll say Celsius! So yeah, it's pretty hot! It is most likely that hot because Cassie kind of stole Sonic's shoes, but who knows? Shanice-sama has 10 hours to cuff this criminal. The wedding will begin then. If Sonic doesn't have his shoes on him, who knows what could happen!? Anyways, this chase is hot. There are people in police cars interviewing Shanice-sama and Cassie while they are on the run as well as several helicopters looming over head. As the chase drags on, something changes. Shanice-sama looks up to see that there are now only two helicopters. Shanice-sama could have sworn there were at least five. Without any prior foreshadowing, the Duck Squad begins to swoon in. These ducks are all male, all horny, and all fucking disgusting. Shanice-sama has to escape.

I am sitting in Meme Square as Columbus rages around claiming memes. Him being here is most likely the result of Shanice-sama's antics back in the day. She somehow managed to combine the fourteen hundreds, the eighteen hundreds, and 1943. That being said, he is here now trying to take our precious memes. To my luck, horrible memes such as Insanity Wolf exist. The battle between the two was quick and painful. I clap in comparison. What I was comparing is unknown, yet too euphoric to know. I get up from my seat and slowly stroll over to the Grand Meme Church to help with preparations.

Milo is on Shanice-sama's trail. The trail is cold. About -100 degrees Celsius. That considered, he get overcome by the cold and becomes no longer alive. He wakes up in a non-existent world. Simon is here. They talk about shared interests and memes for a bit. In the real world, the Fluorescent Triangular Euphoria Lights on the top of Castle Sulfur Ass begin to dim. As it dims, the clouds become more and more vigorous and mighty. They turn from a fluffy white to a goopy grey within seconds. Saya's becomes uneasy. She decides the correct course of action would be to draw Cherubs to calm her nerves. She goes into her one-computer-computer lab and begins to get to business. The room consciously breaks from its grounded underlying structure and levitates to the Grand Meme Church.

Going back to Cassie, we see that she is dead. Shanice-sama battled and won. Shanice-sama leveled up, allowing the use of pronouns instead of her name constantly. She reaps the spoils and carries Cassie on her shoulders. Along her way, she also comes along Michael's frozen body. Using her pulsing leg muscles, she lifts Michael and carries the two lost companions back to the Grand Meme Church. Only six hours remain.

Alvin is in battle. He stands atop of the bus on his way to the Grand Meme Church. Two hours remain. He is in his power suit and ready to beat some duck dick. To not surprise, the duck dick is too powerful. It looks like it is Alvin who will be beaten today! Before any meat could beat other meat, a blue light shines over the horizon. It's Sanic! His incredible low quality theme song kills off most of the ducks. Since Alvin is a fellow chipmunk, he is immune. He gets back into the bus and sleeps. In the event of this, an old friend awakes. Michael is back. He unthaws and begins to blab about how he wants to be a Mudkip again. Shanice-sama puts him down and goes along with the rant. She humors him for the next hour.

It is just about time for the wedding. I am marveling at the cake, Alvin just entered, and Pablo is setting up his speech. Saya enters from her lab to begin casting some sick magic. She resurrects our dead friends and even goes out of the way of teleporting them here. We are slightly pissed she hadn't done it before, but so be it. Shanice-sama and Michael enter the church. They take their seats among the other characters. Alvin looks around to find his boss. He sees a cute cat waving at him. It's… Olivia? Meme Lord Maxwell's #1 waifu!? Alvin is shocked by this, but avoids asking questions. He assumes his seat next to her. "Are you ready for the greatest change? It's about to begin!" She sounded a lot more excited than how she appear on the phone. It seems to Alvin as though things are steadily getting less flat as this chapter concludes. As this paragraph begins to fade out, everyone takes their seats. Obama-sama steps up to the altar in wait of his future husband. The end is beginning.

Pablo begins to read from his speech. Most of the audience is attentive, but that does not go to show for myself. I begin to doze off. The organ, played by le Dolan meme, fills the room. Sonic, accompanied by Dr. Eggman, slowly walk up the aisle with three lost children throwing pornos onto the floor behind them. Sonic walks up the steps and waits next to Obama-sama. They listen in to Pablo, as do I. "Do you take this chipmunk to be your dearly beloved? Do you agree to allow your hearts to intertwine and forever rest in one another's kingdom?" They both take turns saying I do. As they say I do, Saya gets up from her seat to peer under the carpet leading from the altar. A green glow can be seen from a corner of the carpet the is touching the church's door frame. She picks up the corner to reveal a trapdoor. It is unlocked. Without hesitation, Saya lifts the trapdoor. The smell of onions fills the air. The couple begins to kiss. As their lips meet, all goes dark.

I awaken in the ruins of the church. To our luck, we just called it a church for the sake of the wedding. It's all ogre now, so I guess I'll just call it a building. No one else is present. I'm certain they are all alive still. I mean I decide who lives and dies, right? I mean shit, I AM the Meme Lord! They are likely spread throughout New(d) Earth. I got lucky enough to remain here. Or unlucky? Regardless, I get up an dust myself off. Walking towards the entrance of the crushed building, I see that the landscape is new as well. It's a whole new world. I start my new journey by walking down the new long slope of stairs leading to the bottom of this mountain I appear to be on. I guess for the sake of the story, it's time to switch gears. Meet new faces before a group of old ones are met. But that's for a later day and a later chapter.


End file.
